Some more thoughts for my boys.
These suggestions come from Michael Foster, who partners with Bnonn Tennant over at It’s Good to Be a Man. They are helpful for those men who seek to become better men, better fathers, better husbands and better Christians in the world, living out our calling to take dominion and subdue the earth. Go to their site if you have more questions.
But here is the advice Michael is giving after 19 years of marriage. I wanted to share with Andy and Joey:
To celebrate 19 years of marriage, I offer you 19 short reflections I’ve learned along the way…
1 Marry for demonstrated potential which is to say catch them on their way up2 Marry as young as reasonable so that you develop your tastes and habits as a couple3 Children are infinitely better than pets… so don’t delay having them4 Have frank discussions about sexual expectations with your spouse and have as much sex as you both can5 When arguing, stop and say, “Hey, I love you. We are on the same side. Let’s work this out together.”6 Pray together everyday and share the things you’re learning from God’s Word7 Take responsibility for your sins and failures by saying “I was wrong. There is no excuse. Please forgive me.”8 Have a budget and have set times you can talk openly about finances9 Make three or five year plans with one year benchmarks and follow it10 Go to church… every Sunday… even when on vacation11 Never have close opposite sex friends… friends of the couple is okay… but not as individuals12 Never let your kids play you against each other even if you agree with them… work it with your spouse behind close doors13 Wives shouldn’t nag, husbands should follow through on promises they make14 If you forgave them, never bring it up again in an argument15 Don’t let her coddle the kids, don’t let him exasperate them16 Don’t overload your life with activities but rather maintain margin so you can work from rest17 sometimes, maybe even often, expressing the willingness to fix the problem is more important than figuring out who’s to blame18 In the long run, divorce is ALMOST always worse than a difficult marriage… so work on and fight for your marriage every single day19 Play the long game… often marriages get worse before they get better
P.S. Psalm 127:1
Unless the Lord builds the house,
They labor in vain who build it;
Unless the Lord guards the city,
The watchman stays awake in vain.
Dear Andy and Joey,
Pay close attention to these things and will talk later about them.
I love you,
All photos are copyright © Timothy J. Hammons, 2022.