Photo of the Week: The Red Door

Taken at a church in downtown Sherman, TX.




Golf score? Nope.

Bowling score? A good possibility.

Age? Not quite yet.

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Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales — A Review

Last Saturday, I had the opportunity to take my two boys, Andy and Joey, to see the movie Pirates of the Caribbeans: Dead Men Tell No Tales. There are so few movies that I want to see, I was hopeful that this one would be agreeable to all three of us. Well, let’s just say that I was duly disappointed. I felt like it was just one rehashed scene after another. However, the ending was quite satisfactory and gave the impression that Disney would be letting the series lie dormant for the near future. That might be a good idea and give the writers a chance to… rediscover their creative juices, so to speak.

But given that I was rather bored with the movie, I thought I would have Andy and Joey write a review for those of you who have not yet seen the movie. I had both of them write what they liked and didn’t like about the movie. Remember that they are 12 and 10 respectively, so their discernment when it comes to movies is lacking, along with much of their spelling. We’ll have to work on both of those as they grow and mature. Realize that Andy is dyslexic, so his spelling is atrocious. But I love what he writes because it makes more of a statement about the movie that he realizes. Spoiler alert, he revels something about the ending. Here are Andy’s thoughts:

I’m Andrew H. and I saw the pirits of the cairedeian. The first thing that I liked was the add (advertisement about) spiderman! It looked so cool and I encerig (encourage) you all to watch it. What I didn’t like was the fack (that) some guys came back from the dead to kill someone that kreeps me out! It also had Captain Barbosse die wiche relly disterb me! I geus the ending was good but that’s about it!

Just that fact that he loves the preview of Spider-Man tells you something about the movie we paid to see. Here are Joey’s thoughts:

Today I watched a cool movie about piraites called “piraites of the caribian” (4th movie) I liked many part in it one of the parts was at the begining where Jack Sparro (A.K.A Johnny Depp) and his crew took horses and hooked them all together connected to a safe (1T) in  a building, but the safe would not come out of the building so they ended up pulling a bank accross town. I didn’t really have any dislikes in the move and thats what made it a good movie.

The parenthetical thoughts are Joey’s not mine. In Andy’s, they were mine. I’m not sure what Joey meant by (1T).

All this to say, Joey gave it a thumbs up, and Andy gave it a thumbs sideways. I think anyone who has yet to see it should save their money and wait for it to come out on Netflix. You don’t have Netflix? Well then, you are blessed indeed, because you are now under no obligation whatsoever to watch the latest edition of Pirates of the Caribbean (actually the 5th… and hopefully, last installment).

One last addition: Joey gave me an illustration for his review.

Bad Golf, Good Dishes

Actually, it was an injured arm that lead to the pursuit of more dishes for my lovely bride. I wanted to golf at a course in Canton, TX, home of the First Monday’s Trade Days (the largest flea market this side of the Mississippi). It’s also home to the Canton Dish Barn. For those who are into Fiesta Dinnerware, the Canton Dish Barn is the place to shop.

My wife and I appreciate Fiesta Ware. We like the color. We like the solid feel of the plates. We like the way the plates keep our food off the table, as plates are designed to do. Yes, the simplicity of the plates and the bright colors remind me of… kindergarten, when things were simpler. No confusing patterns. Just simply, color, roundness of plates, and thickness, giving a senses of durability.

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Facebook Posts

Some of things I write on Facebook crack me up. Yes, I laugh at my own jokes. Sometimes I’m the only one who gets it. With that confession, here are some of the humorous statements I’ve written on Facebook:

  • My wife said that I should get a hearing aid after I didn’t understand what she said. I replied: “Hearing aids cost around $1,000, I can say ‘what?’ for free.”
  • Tonight, told Heidi that I had a BS in Journalism. She said that I was being redundant.
  • Heidi and I were talking about pictures of John Calvin and she asked: “Did he have a pointy chin?”
    Me: “Well, he was French, right?”
  • Actual text to my wife on why I was late getting off from work today:Me: “Waiting for Jesus to get picked up by his mom.”
    Heidi: “OK, that sounds like a Christmas reference, nativity play?”
    Me: “Mexican kid.”
    Heidi: “Jesus was Mexican?”

    I so enjoyed sending that text.

  • The pastorate is the one position in the world where every one is an expert about what the pastor should and should not be doing, except the pastor.
  • It seems that if you dream about being at work, they should pay you for your work.
  • Heidi and I discovered tonight that cauliflower by any other name, is still cauliflower.

Hope you enjoyed those. Not all were humorous, but hopefully all were worth giving some thought.

The House With Character

Heidi and I are in the market for a house. Living in an apartment is a no-win situation financially speaking, so we have been looking for a small home to buy in the greater, greater Dallas/Ft. Worth area. That means far enough away from DFW that we can actually find something we can afford.

Quite honestly, the housing market is completely out of control. One home we looked at in Ennis, TX, was nothing more than a spruced up shotgun shack with less square footage than a SMART car, and the people were asking $90,000 for the place. I was… livid. That particular house, was worth no more than $30,000.

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Good News! Joel Osteen Admits That There Is Sin!

In a stunning turn of events, Joel Osteen has come out and admitted that there is something that is actually sinful. In an interview with the Huffington Post, he bent over backwards to say that homosexuals are approved of God. That is no real surprise, but then he went on to say the following:

“The Bible said a sin is pride, a sin is selfish ambition. We tend to pick out these certain things,” he said.
I am actually dumbfounded at this amazing turn of events. I wonder if he will ever get around to tell us the solution to our sin problem. But wait, it gets even better than that, Osteen actually took a stand on Scripture and admitted to even reading Scripture at all:
“I believe the scripture says that being gay is a sin. But, you know, every time I say that, Chris … people say, well, you are a gay hater and you’re a gay basher,” Osteen told Wallace during the interview. “I’m not. I don’t – I don’t dislike anybody. Gays are some of the nicest, kindest, most loving people in the world. But my faith is based on what I believe the scripture says, and that’s the way I read the scripture.”
This truly is shocking news. Given his views on life, God and life, I never really thought he read Scripture at all. But it gets better. He went on to say that the pope is a swell guy, but said he and the pope differ on theology. This is amazing. I didn’t think Osteen actually knew the word theology. Look what he said:

“I think the pope is fantastic, his tone, his humility,” he said.

“We may not agree 100 percent on doctrine and theology, but the Catholic Church, our church, it’s open for everybody. I like his tone, not pushing people away.”

This is clearly a sign of the coming apocalypse.

Thanksgiving 2013: Boys With Mud, Men With Jeeps

I have been going through all the videos I have taken over the past few years and uploading them to Youtube, so the boys could watch. You can see some of them on my Family Page. As I was doing so, I discovered an entire series of videos taken on Thanksgiving Day 2013. It was a classic Hammons’ family gathering because David, my older brother, had his Jeep with him and decided to take Andy, Joey and me for a ride around the pasture. He loves to show how it can get across any ravine, or ditch with it’s four-wheel drive power. Of course, he also loves to get it stuck. This was his second demonstration on Thanksgiving Day and in the same fashion as the last Thanksgiving demonstration, he got his Jeep stuck in the pasture. This angered the powers that be because Thanksgiving is supposed to be about family, not Jeeps getting stuck. As far as I was concerned, this entire day spent getting the Jeep unstuck was about family. What is so unusual about this? However, David has since been banned from taking his Jeep into the pasture.

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PhotoBomb: Joey!

Heidi and I took the boys over to College Station this past weekend and we spent time walking around Texas A&M University. It is, after all, a really neat place to check out and she has never seen any university that is so big and prestigious.

We were taking pictures as we went along and we tried to get Andy to take pictures of the two of us, since we don’t have a lot of pictures of the two of us together. Well, it was a good idea. We just didn’t count on Photobomb Joey, who was in a rare mood. (A photobomb is someone who jumps into a photo unexpectedly.)

I’m giving you three shots of us with Joey. By the time Andy took the first picture, Joey had already danced in front of us and we were almost in tears laughing so hard. Andy did manage to get Joey in a couple of the shots. Here are the three best shots:

T&Heidi 001

T&Heidi 002

T&Heidi 003

You can see why Joey keeps us in stitches. He really has a great sense of humor and truly loves to enjoy the moment. More to come on that one.

The War of Northern Aggression

I was telling my father that I was planning on spending a few days in Northwest Arkansas visiting a dear woman (who is now my wife), when he mentioned that I should take her to the battle place of Pea Ridge. Apparently, Pea Ridge,  was an important battle site during the war of Northern Aggression.

I admitted to my father that in all the hours I have spoken to the woman in question, that I had not once broached the topic of the war of Northern Aggression. He immediately responded:

“Well, boy! What are you waiting for. You have to get these things on the table and get them there quickly!”

We both had a good laugh.

And Now From the Mind of Mark Driscoll

Hello Everyone,

Just wanted to say that I’m back. I know, you’ve waited for what seems like forever for me to return. But you know, I had to do that old humble and contrite act us megalomaniacs have to do every now and then. So after much prayer and fasting, actually just sleeping late every day, I’ve come to the conclusion I should return to full-time ministry. When you are as coveted as I am, sometimes it goes to my head. But trust me, I’m completely under control now and won’t make the same mistakes I’ve made in the past. In view of it all, I’ve launched my new, improved web site… which is just a reflection of the new and improved Mark Driscoll! I know, some of you are asking, “How could I improve at all, I’m so darned perfect?” But alas, we can all improve, even if it’s just a tad.

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Bad Preacher Dreams

We all have recurring nightmares and dreams. It is usually some embarrassing situation about showing up to class wearing only underwear, or giving a presentation in a bathing suit. I still have the dream about being enrolled in a class at Texas A&M and forgetting to attend that class all semester long until finals, when I realize I have to go take a final for a class that I forgot I had.

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Why I Want to Be a Pilot

I saw this in a barbecue restaurant over in College Station, TX and had to take a picture of it for my Dad, the pilot. I love this boy’s reasoning as he closes out the letter. Sorry the edges are cut off, but you will get this gist.


Photog Joey!


The above picture came about when I said, “Joey, can you go get the camera?” I didn’t think he would use it, but Joey, being the stinker than he can be, had other ideas. I knew after he took a while to bring the camera that he was up to something. That is just Joey. (See here for more of his antics).

This was his first picture. I wanted to take pictures of us working on our fish-tank project together, but I wanted to be the one taking the photos. That didn’t happen. Joey was too much of a shutterbug. He probably gets it from me, but I’m denying that.

The project we were working on was trying to get enough rocks for Andy’s fish tank. Somewhere in the move last year, I lost the rocks we had for the tank. My father suggested that we pick up some pebbles and stones off his driveway and save some money. Great idea. It was a lot of work, and didn’t end up working because the rocks raised the ph level too high for fish. We ended up pulling all the driveway rocks back out of the tank and buying new ones.

AS for Photog (short for photographer) Joey, he wasn’t through! All the photos in this post are copyright Joseph N. Hammons 2014., just in case you needed to know that.

His next photo is when he was still being sneaky. He didn’t realize that the camera would fail to focus, given that this shot is through a bush. But I love his ambition here. Take secret pictures of Dad and Andy without us knowing. At this point, we didn’t know he had taken these shots. I didn’t realize it until I found the lens cap on the back porch where the above photo was taken.

PhotogJoey 003

The next shot, the cat was out of the bag (that is a figure of speech for any animal lovers in my audience. I don’t put cats into bags.) This is a close up of his brother, with his big smile.

PhotogJoey 004

Of course, no photographer ever completes his work without a self portrait. We just so happen to call them selfies now instead of self portraits.

PhotogJoey 002

And finally, no 7-year-old photographer has a complete line of work without taking a photo of his brother’s…. butt.

PhotogJoey 005

Yes, I know. I should be grown up enough not to publish such a… well, base piece of art. But there is too much Joey in me to pass up on the opportunity!  I hope you enjoyed Joey’s first art show!

Sign Him Up!

I have only watched this about five times because I find it so funny and cute. Please watch it and enjoy this great success of this three year old.

Note to self: Don’t Pick Up the Kids!

She had one of those first-grade voices that just doesn’t carry at all, nor would I expect it to. She is one of the smallest children in the first grade class in which I was called upon as a substitute today at the last moment. It was a joy to return to the class because this class was my first experience on the elementary level. I remember being terrorized for most of the day. Not because the class was any worse than any other class, but my expectations of what was required were completely unrealistic. What I mean by that is that at the high school level, the teacher gives you a movie to show the students, or a test, or a paper that will keep them busy while you read a novel, surf the internet on your iPhone and feel completely worthless in your role of supervision.

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