Spoiler Alert

Just for starters, spoiler alert. I mean it.

Spoiler Alert — For Real

If you haven’t seen the movie… stop now. In fact, if you haven’t seen the movie, wait for it to start streaming online. Your bladder with thank you.

OK, here goes…

I may tell the ending of the movie. In fact, here it is: it ended like every other Mission Impossible, only that Ethan Hunt’s girlfriend didn’t get killed in this one. His buddy Luther did.

So there you have it.

I took Heidi to see it, and honestly, they could have made it shorter by about an hour. It seemed like every scene went on endlessly, like unraveling a 500-foot extension cord. It never ends.

If they has 12 minutes to disarm a bomb, which happened twice, they would stand around talking for 13 1/2 minutes, before finally, getting the bomb disarmed enough so that all of London didn’t disintegrate, just Luther and their underground hotel, conveniently located in an abandoned portion of the Tube. With the second bomb, they had more time, but threw in the an endless airplane scene to show off Tom Cruise’s ability to cheat death as he fought villains flying the bi-plane upside down.

Then there were the Tom Cruise running scenes. “You know Ethan, a taxi could get you there faster…”

And then the endless submarine scene. Ethan had to descend 500 plus feet, wearing a special, one-time only suit that was never tested, then find away into the sunken submarine, and then through the behemouth, (it was not your grandfathers World War II submarine, which would have been bad enough), get all the right doors open, all while the submarine started to settle all over again, by rolling down and over an underwater cliff, all the while Ethan had to dodge dislodged nuclear torpedoes, to keep from getting crushed, and get into the secret chamber where the special computer code was located, after seeing dead crew members and having a flashback to the sinking scenes, which Ethan didn’t witness, but were there for our sakes, so we could see how tragic it all was and … all in 10 minutes time!

Yup, according to the inventor of the suit, Ethan only had 10 minutes at that depth to do all that. Not only was it a long sequence of information, it was a long scene to sit through. Then on top of all that. Ethan drowned.

But, seeing that they wanted us to sit through another hour and a half of actions scenes, Ethan was raised from the dead. So it’s a resurrection movie… I guess? Ethan as the Christ-like figure? Can’t keep a good man down???

Anyway, the point of all this is that Heidi didn’t want to be there, and after the first 90 minutes, neither did I.

I felt like it was never going to end.

But look at the bright side… Ethan saved the world… again! He was still alive… so if you thought this was the last Mission Impossible movie, think again! They will find a way to write up another script with endless actions scenes, like Ethan digging out of Chateau d’if while a nuclear bomb with a three-minute timer ticking down, and having a deep conversation with his long-lost buddy about life and what they want to do before they die… a bucket list type of thing… but getting out just in time and only the cruel jailer dies… and Ethan’s estranged brother… for dramatic effect.

OK, let my script writing career begin… Don’t worry, I will keep the movie under 4 hours.