Buzz in the Hood

JOHNSON, TENN — It’s been a while since we’ve heard from Buzz. If you remember, he fell into a period of really questioning his existence after he discovered that he cannot handle the Devil’s draught (read here.)

He has had some success rebounding, and it is reported, he has had a renewal of purpose.

This took place when he found himself living in the hood. Which particular hood, we are uncertain. We know there are many, but wherever this hood was, he found friends and fellowship.

Life was taking a turn for the better. He was beginning to find purpose in just being friendly to his neighbors. But alas, it wasn’t to remain.

As Buzz was chatting with some of his “bros” he made the comment, “fo shizzle my nizzle.”  For those of you who are unfamiliar with this term, it comes from a famous poet named, Snoop Dogg and means “for sure, my friend.” Almost all who heard the comment were grateful for Buzz’s friendship. While he was a strange and odd being, he was always encouraging.

Buzz was merely using the lingua Franca of the hood. As soon as those words left his lips, the pink pig wearing a brightly colored green wig, with black lipstick, and “Death to Heroes” tattoo on her forehead started screaming at Buzz. She accused him of all manner of wickedness and proclaimed him the lowest of spirogyra (commonly known as pond scum).

He was completely taken aback. Had he misspoke? The toy he directed the comment to, seemed to accept it. But the foaming pink pig was furious.

How dare you misappropriate our culture! You have no business being here. You should be thrown in jail, even executed for even existing!

Buzz attempted to apologize. The pig, along with the rest of her brood, sensed weakness and it stirred their sick ire even more. Buzz felt for just a moment, that he should fear for his life. The moment passed.

The pigs were going on and on about the evils of superheroes and all the damage they had done throughout history. They were blaming Buzz, telling him he was guilty for superhero sins that took place before he was created.

Buzz’s mind whirled. Was he guilty? Did he have some part to play for these atrocities, simply because he too, was a superhero? He knew there had been wrongs committed by superheroes. All genus of toys had their share of evil. He also knew the reality of guilt. Before the incident with Satan’s syrup, he had never experienced guilt. It came full force with his abuse of Beelzebub’s brew. He tried every thing he could think of to absolve that guilt, but it was always there. It was still there.

He thought for just a moment, that if he truly apologized to these irrational pigs, he could absolved himself of the guilt he did have, even though, he had an inkling that he wasn’t responsible for any of the guilt they tried to lay on his shoulders.

Please forgive me for all the harms done,” he said. They questioned him, and he admitted that being who he was, was wrong. Yet, there we even guilt in that. He suddenly realized he was lying by trying to placate the fierce foolishness of the pigs.

In fact, he immediately realized that even apologizing would do no good. They demanded more, and began to lay more wrong doings at his feet, simply because of his Toy Manufacturer. It was hopeless.

Then it hit Buzz. Why should he be guilty simply because of the fact that his Toy Manufacturer had made him to be a superhero? It was refreshing. He wasn’t guilty for any of the charges the pigs leveled. He had no reason to be ashamed for who the Manufacturer made him to be. He straightened his shoulders. Stood tall. Looked the pigs in the eyes,

I will no longer apologize for who I am. The great Toy Manufacturer made me this way. I have no reason to be ashamed.”

Their tiny misfit jaws dropped opened with nothing emitting from their mouths except their wretched pig breath. Buzz continued.

I am a superhero. And while there are those who have committed wrongs in the past, I have not. I will continue to be the superhero I was made to be, seeking to save those in peril, righting wrongs by evil men, and standing for the truth in the great Manual given to us by the Toy Manufacturer. You may not like this, but it may end up to your benefit as well, for I may end up saving you some day.”

This was more than the pigs could handle. They ran screaming in a frenzy from the place, seeking a “safe place.” Their fragile egos had been shattered by this superhero.

The rest of the toys heard Buzz’s words, and were encouraged, for they too had been shamed by the pigs. They all realized they had been made by the Great Toy Manufacturer to be exactly who they were and were no longer going to be ashamed of it.

Buzz thanked them all for their hospitality, then said it was time for him to start being the superhero he had been made to be. He had been on a mission and made the mistake of being distracted by the things of this planet. He now remembered his mission and bid them all farewell and set off.

All photos copyright © Timothy J. Hammons 2021. 


Categories: Family, HumorTags:

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