Down and Out in Johnson City


News Report

JOHNSON CITY, TN — Buzz Lightyear, the famed super hero, has been seen living in a park in Johnson City, TN. It seems the hero has become homeless over the past few weeks, and experts say, this type of behavior is common among the elite workers.

Lightyear’s downfall began several weeks ago when he began drinking alcohol and ended up having to be rescued from the raging torrents of the Watagua River in eastern Tennessee.  Apparently this is what sent him in the downward spiral.

The Rev. Jason C. Spitfire, who has been attempting to get Lightyear in a homeless facility, said the super hero has now seen the dangers of alcohol.

“Yes, this is typical,” Spitfire said. “Because he is a super hero, he thinks he can handle the devil’s draught, without consequence. Satan’s syrup has ended more than one super heroes career. In fact, it was Beelzebub’s brew that caused Thor so much disgrace. Maybe Lightyear can learn from these example.”

Other health professionals said that a downfall among super heroes is actually common. Noted psychologist Dr. Stephen S. Freely noted that the same thing happened to Iron Man and his career.

“Remember, Iron Man actually became self-destructive in his behavior, before he got help,” Freely said. “Of course, some of his problems were health related, which also may be the case for Lightyear. Who knows what is going on with him health wise.”

“Lightyear will probably remain in his condition until he seeks help. Until then, we just have to wait,” Freely said.


Lightyear seen looking for help among the religious artifacts in a Johnson City area park.


“Are there no answers?” he was overheard to say.



Lightyear was seen living inside the “O” in the Founders’ Park signage.



All photos are copyright © Timothy J. Hammons 2021.

Categories: Humor, PhotographyTags: ,

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