Happy New Year From “The World!”

The best that I can wish for you for the coming year is that you grow in grace and the fruits of the Spirit. I don’t mean this in a trite a manner, but I’m thinking of the statement by J.C. Ryle about heaven. He wrote “heaven is a prepared place for a prepared people.” So my hope for you is that you grow in the things of the Spirit, like humility, holiness, obedience to our LORD, faithfulness, kindness, etc., so that you are prepared for our eternal home. Not wishing you to go there soon, but to be ready in His timing.

In the process of writing this, I asked the question: “what would our foes, The World, The Flesh, and The Devil, want for us in the coming year?”

Here is The World’s response to that question:

Dear Christian, here are three things I want for you. First, what is best for you is that you grow in your worldly possessions. Your self worth, and worth in the world, is gauged by the amount of stuff you actually have. Therefore your goal this year is to accumulate as much stuff as you possibly can, even to the point of making your neighbors jealous of all your possessions. Remember that wonderful saying that I came up with a few years ago? ‘He who dies with the most toys, wins!’ I loved that statement for it just captures what is best for you.

Secondly, I want you to embrace the thoughts and movements of the day. Quit reading your Bibles. Goodness, who needs that old, archaic book? Embrace the moral trends of the day so that you will be liked and fit in with those around you. I know you have hangups about gay marriage, and men becoming women, but embrace those trends. It is where you will find true acceptance and happiness. For goodness sake, quit taking stands on things found in that ancient book. Become more 21st Century. You owe it to yourself.

Third, embrace my wonderful worldly systems. I have crafted these worldly systems with such care, that no matter which one you embrace, it will give you the identity you crave in something larger than yourself. We all know how important it is that you belong to something in this wonderful world of ours that is larger than your petty little lives. Here are a few examples of the systems you can embrace: the first one is conservatism. I only point this one out because so many of your fellow Christians have already embraced it. What makes it so special is that it finds some of its principles in your ancient book (heck, if you won’t throw that book out, I might as well use it against you!). Remember that through conservatism, you can save our culture, our world, our country and political system! (Haha! I’ve so misled you into thinking you can save anything at all. But I do have to give kudos out to the chief architect in this one, Lucifer. Don’t worry, he is not as evil as you think.)

Another wonderful system of mine is the one of the major world religions. Yes, these babies have been so crafted that they play right into the purposes of The Flesh and our dear friend Lucifer. How it is that they do so, you ask? Why, these worldly religions cater to your very own flesh in making you think you can somehow manufacture some righteousness on your own! Ha! How we have deceived you on that one. In fact, I just saw a post from one of your own who thinks he can manufacture his own righteousness by coming up with 50 reasons not to drink alcohol! I love that lie. You Christians are so susceptible to thinking that if you deny something good that your God has given you, you earn favor points with Him. Again, I say Haha!

But back to worldly religions. There are plenty to choose from since they are manufactured on developing your very own righteousness. You think you guys would have learned your lesson from Cain, but no! You’ve been coming up with your own standards ever since, and I’m  here to help you! Heck, if you want something old and ancient with lots of tradition, hop on the Roman Catholic bandwagon. It plays nicely into the conservative movement I mentioned above. It has it’s very own spiritual leader which you can bow down to and revere as if he were something special. He’s nothing more than a political being who finessed his way to the top of this religion. But never mind that. Think of him as holy, special, from God Himself… in fact, think of him instead of God. That is the entire point of putting him at the top of this religion. See, don’t we think of everything in meeting your fleshly needs? A pope! Lucifer was so cleaver in thinking that one up. And then, on top of that, we get you to believe he actually speaks for God. I love it when I can dupe you guys into thinking God speaks any other place than in that worthless book of His. In fact, if you don’t like Roman Catholicism, remember, there are plenty of branches of the evangelical world that have created their own popes. Just pick one, and you will eventually find a pope.

If you want something trendy, try the New Age! (I love that adjective “new”). If you want something mysterious, try Buddhism since most of you in the states are so ignorant to it. If you want something started here in the states, and is really moral, try Mormonism. Heck, they make the same promise our friend Lucifer did in the garden, that you can become like God and even have your own planets in the afterlife. Odd that so few actually see the similarities with what took place between that Adam fella and Lucifer. But alas, fools are born every moment of the day. 

All of these systems will work, and there are thousands more for you to choose from. Just don’t think you can really find contentment, atonement, justification or any of those other things in Christ alone. That is for simpletons. Remember, we’re living in the 21st Century. I know I need to keep telling you that, you can thank me later.

If religion doesn’t suit you, then try atheism. I know, it’s a religion all unto itself, but let’s not point that out to it’s adherents. They love to think themselves above the need for such simplicities. Never mind that your Maker made you to worship something. That is what makes my job so easy. I can find plenty for you guys to worship and 99.9 percent of the time, you fail to see it for what it is. But back to my blessed little ones in atheism. This religion affords you the false freedom of being accountable to no one, all the while, providing you with the self-righteousness you crave by bashing Christians for their beliefs. And they are so easy to bash!

Just a side note, please don’t make the foolish mistake of bashing Muslims. That is a no-no in my worldly system and it will get you killed. But even then, that’s OK because I will use your death to build up the self-righteousness of both groups! Heck, either way, I’m happy. But given your timidity for standing up for anything but wickedness, I don’t have to worry too much about this one.

I have other systems you can choose from as well. There is the corporate world, the university world, the sporting world, the world of social justice, the religion of worshiping me in environmentalism. All of these systems are truly dear to me because they take your eyes off that ancient and needless God of yours.

I even have it set up where any number of these systems are intertwined with the rest. That is why the sporting world is so quick to jump on the bandwagon with the rulers world. Remember that gay marriage thing? Both your government and sports world banned together to make sure you buy into that new level of depravity. Neat huh? And the corporate world is jumping on board as well. I love Target! O, you love Target too? That’s odd. They are totally sold out to the gay, lesbian, creepy movement. I did get some help with than one from Lucifer. He is so good when it comes up to scheming about these things. I know the Flesh is part of it as well, but he doesn’t really “think” all that much.

Well, I better wrap this up. I have so many things to do this year, an entire political campaign to finesse, more sporting events to construct, more immoral crusades to get started. This is going to be a wonderful year. Please, join me dear Christian. Put aside that ancient God of yours and get with the program. This is, after all, the 21st Century. We are far too sophisticated for any ancient religion of faith.

Well, toodles!

With much false sincerity and jocularity,

The World!


Happy New Year from Timothy! I hope you enjoyed this bit of fiction and hope you will read Happy New Year From The Flesh, and the Devil soon.

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5 thoughts on “Happy New Year From “The World!”

  1. Pingback: Happy New Year from “The Flesh!” | Timothy J. Hammons

  2. pms

    I had to laugh when the Devil signed off with , “Tootles!”

    Reminds me of the character in Neil Simon’s play, “God’s Favorite.”

    Like

  3. Pingback: Dear World – Timothy J. Hammons

  4. Pingback: Dear World

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