And Now From the Mind of Mark Driscoll

Hello Everyone,

Just wanted to say that I’m back. I know, you’ve waited for what seems like forever for me to return. But you know, I had to do that old humble and contrite act us megalomaniacs have to do every now and then. So after much prayer and fasting, actually just sleeping late every day, I’ve come to the conclusion I should return to full-time ministry. When you are as coveted as I am, sometimes it goes to my head. But trust me, I’m completely under control now and won’t make the same mistakes I’ve made in the past. In view of it all, I’ve launched my new, improved web site… which is just a reflection of the new and improved Mark Driscoll! I know, some of you are asking, “How could I improve at all, I’m so darned perfect?” But alas, we can all improve, even if it’s just a tad.

Here is just a bit from my bio showing you how I’ve got my priorities right:

Pastor Mark Driscoll is a Jesus-following, mission-leading, church-serving, people-loving, Bible-preaching pastor. In 2010, Preaching magazine named him one of the 25 most influential pastors of the past 25 years. He’s grateful to be a nobody trying to tell everybody about Somebody.

Yup, that’s me… just a humble and contrite nobody doing the LORD’s work. I love that paragraph! If that doesn’t rebrand me, I don’t know what else will. To be honest, I thought of that one myself. Just look at the words… “a Jesus-following…” I love that because it shows that I’m not like the rest of the Christians around. I’m different, unique and new on the scene as far as Christianity is concerned. I have no desire whatsoever to identify with the rest of the body of Christ. They are a bunch of sinners. 

But wait, there is more: “mission-leading…” I love that. I’m back to building my own little kingdom all over again and because I used the word “mission” most people will miss that (pun intended!) Yes, I’m all about “the” kingdom, that is for sure. Never mind the broader kingdom that concluded I should step out of the ministry for a while. Ha! Like that will ever happen. Those people are nothing but judgmental and jealous ne’er do wells seeking to take down the man. Like how I dropped in a little “hood attitude” there? I’m so hip.

I’m also a “church-serving, people-loving, Bible preaching pastor!” That should do the trick. People want to know they are loved. Never mind that in my vision of the church, I will never know your name, you know mine and that is all that is important. This is why I love people so much. They keep giving and keep enabling me in my ways, doing what is right in my own eyes! Ha! And you can bet that it will just be “me” running things this time around. Who needs a pesky elder board? Come on, those untrained boobs from my last church should have just listened to me in the first place. Everything I sought to build would still be going had they done that. Who did they think they were? I’m the trained pastor!

Finally, did you noticed how I worked the part about me being one of the 25 most influential pastors in the country, followed by the part of me being a nobody? That’s right! I’m just a nobody with my own web site, my own brand, my own form of church seeking do things the ‘right’ way! If people would just listen to me, a humble nobody, the world would be a much better place.

Well, my ministry is off and running again, so those of you who are in the know and want to be a part of something big, fantastic and for cause, please send your money. I can’t do this great wonderfulness on my own you know. I need my faithful followers to continue to follow me… and … well, Jesus too. Can’t leave Him out now can we? Don’t worry, I will be glad to tell you all about Jesus later on, once I get the vision recast and the mission up and going again.


Your humble servant,

Mark Driscoll



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