As suggested by my brother, I thought I would put together a list of reasons why I should be elected as the next pope of the Roman Catholic Church. Given that I am a staunch Protestant you don’t have to worry about this coming to fruition, other than a good hearty chuckle. For years, my brother Gene has suggested that I go Catholic, simply because they get to wear neat hats. I haven’t felt the desire to wear a pointy hat strong enough to overcome my objections to Catholicism. But in the spirit of humor, no disrepsect intended to my Catholic audience (that’s you Joseph), here is my Top 10 Reasons why I should be elected as the next pope of the Roman Catholic Church. (Please vote below!!!)
10. I would look good in the pope’s funny hat.
9. I would change the funny hat to the more modern baseball style so I could get down with all my Cardinal peeps (that’s a shout out to Maria).
8. I would quickly dispense with all that Roman Catholic stuff, and update the church to give it more of a protestant feel, with things like, justification by faith alone in Christ alone.
7. Do away with the celibacy requirements for priests and nuns, insisting that they all get married within the year or get out!
6. Introduce the Fightin’ Texas Aggies War Hymn with appropriate swaying as we sing saw varsities horns off. I know this might conflict with the entire Notre Dame football program, but they will get over it.
5. Update the pope mobile with a Humvee.
4. I will have the opportunity to teach those I-talians their own language. I was there in 1984, and no matter how hard I tried, they didn’t learn a thing.
3. All the monasteries will be required to produce fine dark beers, after all their monks get married.
2. Latin shall truly become a dead language, especially in worship.
1. Require Scripture reading and expository preaching in every worship service from the 66 books of the Bible. After all, if the Bible is truly preached and taught, Catholicism naturally goes away with the work of the Holy Spirit.