Category Archives: Golf

Golfing and The Memphis Zoo

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Area Relief Ministries Second Annual Golf Tournament

Can you say Birdie? I always like to talk about one of my favorite sports when I get a chance to, and I won’t pass up on this opportunity.

I got to golf in the Area Relief Ministries annual golf tournament with members from my church on Saturday. That is one of the many reasons I’ve been quiet on my posts here of late. I’ve been really busy. Saturday, I was busy golfing in the tournament. The highlights: Team Grace won first place in our division. Highlight two: we beat out Team Covenant by two strokes!!! Highlight three: I had a birdie on the par 3 number 2 hole, which means I carried the team on the hole. (Don’t worry, they carried me the other 17 holes).I wish I could add a fourth highlight, the highlight of winning that Callaway driver for having the shot closest to the hole on hole number 2, but I missed out just by a few feet. It was my best shot of the day because I lost the ability to drive the ball. I was using only a 7 iron on this hole, since it was a par 3. It wasn’t until the last 2 holes that one of my team mates mentioned that I was only using my arms on my drive, and not my entire body. I wish he had spoken up a bit earlier, but alas, that is golf.

I’m not sure how much ARM raised in the tournaments, but I’m glad I had the opportunity to help while sacrificing so on the golf course. One of the ladies on the Board told me they usually raise about $8,000 in the tournament. The money is used to help the poor in the area and we are glad to help when we can. I’m also hoping to help by preaching during the summer at their weekly lunches.

The Zoo

We traveled to Memphis yesterday with the Augustine School. I don’t have a lot to say, but thought I would share this photo with you. This is Joey looking at the elephants. We also had a wonderful time looking at the grizzlies as they were fed, and the sea lions during their show.

Laughing at Elephants

Tiger Woods: Deplorable/Despictable and just plain BAD

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Tiger Woods: Deplorable/Despicable and Just Plain BAD! Yup, I’m finally chiming in on the sports great and his alleged affairs for several reasons.

The first reason is purely self serving. The name “Tiger Woods” is currently the number one Google term out there. That being the case, I’m trying to generate some more hits for my lowly blog.

The second reason: something I’ve said about sports figures of his stature before. I don’t know if the affairs are real or not, but who is there in Tiger’s life that is willing to tell him “no.” That is problem with great people. They surround themselves with those who will let them have what they want. The rest of us have to live (thankfully) in a world that holds us accountable. But who will do that for this poor man? Would you? If he were your friend, would you be willing to risk that friendship by telling him that his lifestyle is egregious towards God and Tiger’s wife?

Granted, his wife is telling him these things. But it took her getting to the point of violence in order for it happen. I know, there isn’t quite the proof we need to prove she was going to become violent with the man. Just let me ask you this. If you see your spouse run their truck into a tree, do you stop and grab a 7-iron on the way out the door? Nope! Most grab a cell phone. I’m thinking she had the 7-iron already in hand and was chasing him for his alleged crimes, which in her world, are not alleged at all! (My wife says: “she was only going to use a 7-iron?”).

The point is that Tiger, Roger Clemens, Jordan, etc., all need people in their lives to say “no.” Otherwise, they end up like another famous man no one said “no” to: Michael Jackson.

We truly are blessed not to “free” to live as we want. Our sports heroes are examples who live supposedly free, and this is what it gets them. Sin is never free. It ALWAYS comes at a cost. Tiger, no matter how good he is on the golf course, is still a sinner and in need of a Savior. His Buddhism will never save him from his sins, or the death that awaits him.

Aggies Win National Championship!

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Whoop! The Texas Aggies Golf Team won the National Championship in Golf on Sunday, beating out… and here is the really sweet part, the Arkansas Razorbacks!!! I couldn’t be happier for them! It’s A&M’s first National Championship in any sport since 1987, when the women’s softball team won that year. Gig ‘Em Aggies
Texas A&M’s Bronson Burgoon hit a 125-yard gap wedge fromthe rough to within three inches of the 18th hole Saturday to win his match and clinch the first NCAA Division I men’s golf title for the Aggies.

Burgoon, a senior and the team’s No. 1 player, had lost the previous four holes to Arkansas’ Andrew Landry before his dramatic shot from the deep rough far to the right of the 18th fairway at Inverness Golf Club. Golfweek magazine called it “one of the best shots in college golf history.”

“Our assistant coach (Jonathan Dismuke) told me to hit it at this rail, and it just kept feeding right down to the hole,” Burgoon said. “Right when it cleared the hill, I knew it was going to go down pretty close to the hole.”

Landry conceded the tap-in for birdie, then missed a 35-footer that would have sent the match to extra holes. A&M won, 3 and 2.

“I was struggling the last four holes,” Burgoon said. “I put more pressure on myself than I should have. The last hole something happened for me and seemed to click. I couldn’t have drawn it up any better. I love this team. That was the hardest thing when it was slipping away. I was more discouraged for the guys on the team than for myself. To finish off my senior year with a national championship is incredible. I couldn’t be happier.”

I Survived the Golf Marathon!

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Yes, I survived the Young Life Golf Marathon! Thank you for all those who supported me in both finances and prayer. I do give all glory to the LORD for getting through the day without any major injuries and for being able to finish the day.


Paul Hunt and Mike Phillips were my team members. Paul was team captain and is one of two men who have played in all 17 tournaments. He really was an encouragement for me, since I was the least skilled golfer on the team. Mike… was a lot of fun, because he kept trying to play NASCAR with our golf carts.


This was the view of my ball from one of the fairways. I’m about 160 yards from the pin. My solution is to use my 3 wood and advance the ball. I’m sure I did just that, because I don’t remember the shot after taking the picture. I don’t know how it is for most golfers, but I usually only remember my really good shots, or the multitude of really bad ones.


Here I am on the tee box. You can see how my stance and swing really resemble that of Tiger Woods.. OK, more like John Daly. But you have to give it to us big men, when the ball goes in the wrong direction, it goes with power and authority. OK, OK, even that is not true. This shot… went about 30 yards. I topped the ball. It was one of the multitude of bad shots I remember.

Even if view of the fact that I had a lot of bad shots, I actually got better as the day progressed. I was afraid that the more I played, the worse I would get, but the opposite was true. My shots off the tee started to improve as well as the fairway shots. My putts never really came together, but I really didn’t putt the ball that much until the very last round. That is due to the fact that we were playing different formats of golf throughout the day, such as captain’s choice, alternating shots, etc. I really didn’t like alternating shots at first, but on the second round of it, really enjoyed the format.

These different formats really speed up the play and we managed to play a round of golf in less than 2 hours. That is how it is possible that you can play 100 holes in one day. But even when we were playing for individual competition, we had to speed it up.

Speaking of individual competition, I won! Yup! I won a prize for having the highest score in individual competition! For those who know nothing of golf, the object is to have a low score. I won some sort of putting gizmo that shoots your balls back to you so you can practice. I traded it away for a new driver. I know, seems like I need to practice my putting. But I’m better off doing that on the putting green.

Our teams also won second place in the Captain’s Choice event. We each got $50 gift certificates to the Woodside Plantation Country Club Pro Shop. I bought a shirt with mine.

Again, I want to thank all those who supported me in this tournament. I was able to raise more than $1,300. Not bad for my first year. The entire even raised more that $41,000 for Young Life of Aiken. That will provide most of their budget for the coming year. I’m not sure, but I think this was an off year. I hope not.

Hopefully next year, I will be able to raise more money and get some of my golfing buddies to join me in the endeavor. It was really quite a day, and course. The course was really a beautiful course to play, with lots of flowers and wildlife. I saw a variety of birds, including a red-headed woodpecker. I also saw some black squirrels which were bigger than regular squirrels and much bolder. One ran in front of me and didn’t seem the least bit fearful of me or my cart. That was also true for the… rats I saw on the course. Apparently, the prestigious Woodside Plantation has a rat problem. I saw at least three, and Elisa saw one when she arrived that night. One of them ran along side my cart and showed no fear of me. He had a large worm hanging out of his mouth. I had no desire to interact with him. No, the movie Ratatouie has done nothing for my respect towards the rodents. As that great rodent killer John Wayne use to say, “The only good rat, is a dead rat.”

I probably shouldn’t say anything about the rats. Those rich people in Woodside Plantation probably don’t want us knowing that they have rodents too. (How is it that I can go from golf to rodents to John Wayne in all one posting?)

Round Up!

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Happy Blog
For the category of Happy Blog, please watch the following. Unless you are Mr. Grumpy Pants, you should enjoy this thoroughly.


48 and Counting!
I had a wonderful 48th birthday yesterday. My lovely bride went to the trouble to set up a golf game for me. I love to play golf and always feel like I’m a kid getting to go to the State Fair to ride the roller coaster. So the fact that she set up the game really made it special.

But alas, it was raining yesterday morning and the guy I was to play with canceled the trip. Wimp! It was just a little rain. Seriously, the day turned out to be beautiful weather wise. Part of the problem could have been that the place we wanted to play jacked their prices up for Master’s Week. Every golf course in the area just about doubles the prices because for some reason, when the Master’s starts over in August (about 25 miles from here), everyone wants to place golf. So much so, that they are willing to pay the higher prices.

What did I do instead of golfing? Bought more plants for the yard. Yup! More yard work.

We also went to Outback Steakhouse with Michelle and Heath. It was a blast, especially watching Joey make eyes with the little girl in the booth next to ours. He was real entertainment. I got the Outback Steak special, the big un, with a baked potato smothered in all the fixins. I wasn’t about to go light at all. We rarely get to go there, and I wanted to enjoy every bite of that steak. It was delicious (BTW, thanks to the family my church that gave me the two $50 gift certificates for Outback Steakhouse. Your gift made my birthday all that more special).

NCAA Tournament!
Congrats to the Tarheels. They are the best team in the country. I had no idea how good they were before the tournament started. I know. Where was I throughout the year? My tourny bracket was long since trashed since I did so bad on it, that I had no dog in this fight. They truly took it to the Spartans.

Young Life — Aiken’s 17th Annual Golf Marathon

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I’m stepping out on faith with this one. I’ve decided to enter Young Life’s 17th Annual Golf Marathon. It’s a charity event that helps raise money for the Young Life chapter here in Aiken. It’s 100 holes of golf in one day! For those of you who are golf novices, a typical round of golf is 18 holes. Playing 36 holes in a day is a real stretch for most golfers. So you can see that playing 100 holes of golf is really out there. It truly is a marathon.

From what I gather from fellow pastor Mike Phillips, it’s quite a day of golf. What makes it possible is that you play in teams of three, and each round is played with different rules. For instance, one round you play best ball, then captains choice, then your own ball for a round… then… I have no clue after that.

Now why am I stepping out on faith on this one??? Well, if you know me and my big old 47 year old body, I’m always injuring myself doing very simple things, like… picking up my two boys, at the same time. Walking. Sitting down. Being tackled by my two year old. Cutting grass. Breathing, etc. So, I’m really trusting the LORD to protect me on that day, and during the coming days, so that I can actually play in the tournament. It will be by HIS hand if I don’t injure myself in the preparation for the event, or during the event. This is truly and act of faith. Especially given the reality that by the time the tournament arrives, I will actually be 48!

How Can You Help???
I know that some of you would like to help me in my endeavors to play in this tournament. You can help in two ways. First, pray for me, so that I don’t injure myself in the coming days. Secondly, and this is the big one, support me. The tournament raises money by people donating money per hole played. In other words, you can support me by donating $1 per hole played, or more if you are inclined. That would be a total of $100 if I play all 100 holes. All the proceeds go to the Young Life chapter here in Aiken. This is the organizations primary fund raiser for the year. So we need to do well.

If you would like to help support me in the tournament, financially, then let me know in the comments section and make sure you put your email address in there so I can contact you. Don’t worry, I don’t give out email address to anyone or use them for marketing purposes.

As for the organization itself, here is one of their purposes: Young Life brings the good news of Jesus Christ into the lives of adolescents with an approach that is respectful of who kids are and hopeful about who they can be. They are a non-denomination Christian organization that seeks to bring the gospel to the youth of America. You can check out more by going to their web site.

I hope you can help. I will post training progress as we approach, and pictures, if possible. Thanks.

Houndslake Grumpy Club: Top 10 responses to the grumpy ladies on Dogwood Hole No. 1

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In my previous post, I spoke of the incident on Dogwood Hole No. 1 at Houndslake Country Club. Apparently, my response to the grumpy old ladies was not sufficient to anyone that I have spoken to… Therefore, I propose 10 solutions that have been given to me… Not in any order of importance.

  1. “It is better to be a bad golfer than to have bad manners.”
  2. While giving them the one-finger salute, declaring loudly, “I’m pastor Bob Jones, of Cedar Creek Church, and nobody treats me that way!” Cedar Creek is the big, seeker sensitive church in town.
  3. “Ma’am, why are you not home, humbly serving your husbands!”
  4. If time is of the essence, then take out my putter to finish out the hole. One long putt at a time.
  5. “Ma’am, I may be a bad golfer, but with practice, I will get good. However, you will still be ugly.”
  6. “Ma’am, I was really worried my tee shot was going to hit you. Now, however, I’m sad that it didn’t.”
  7. “Sticks and stones may break bones, and I’m sure my nine iron can shut you up!”
  8. “Ma’am, Golf stands for ‘Gentlemen only, ladies forbidden.’ Apparently you don’t fit either category.”
  9. “Ma’am, I’m a pastor, and you just became one great sermon illustration for total depravity.”
  10. Hit the ball into the woods, and yell at her to “fetch!”
Please add your suggestions in the comments area. Please keep it clean.

Houndslake Grumpy Club!

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I finally got the opportunity to golf at Houndslake Country Club. It’s been a desire for a while, since it is so close to the church. I imagined how it would be, hitting my driver, sending the ball down the fairway as other people drove by watching. What a silly thought, especially after hitting it down the fairway, thinking, “I hope no one saw that!”

But Heath and I were having a blast despite my bad game… until! Hole number 1, of the Dogwood 9. Ahead of us: the worst imaginable. Four little old lady golfers. They were walking the course. We were in a cart. They waved us through.

Now, for you non-golfers, to have someone wave you through is never a good thing. It means that you are going to play through the hole, while the forward group steps aside, chats, and watches your every stroke. Given that these were little old ladies, that made it somewhat… intimidating.

My shot off the tee box was good for me… but landed about 25 feet short of where they were standing. Which meant that their shots off the tee were farther than mine. OK, no problem. Make a joke and keep on playing.

Not with these ladies. They were brutal. I made my second shot, which landed off the fairway. But I couldn’t see it. Now, given that there are now six balls out there, our two, and their four, I was having trouble finding my ball. Finally, one of the old ladies comes up and says, “You’re ball is right here. Come on, do I have to find your ball for you? I’m beginning to think that letting you play through was obviously a mistake.”

You know what, that was the worst thing she could have said. After that rude comment, I couldn’t hit the ball more than 20 yards. Given that it was a par 5, that meant it was going to take a while. Had I not been so intimidated by these old bitties, I think I would have taken my time… and made it really last. But no, not me. What little golf game I had, went completely in the toilet.

That hole was brutal. Shots with no distance, shots that landed in the bunker, putts that were no where close to the hole. I finally picked up my ball. Heath looked at me with that look of “what’s wrong with you.” We finally got off the hole from Hades.

It didn’t matter. It took the next two holes to get my game back. I couldn’t believe how grumpy those ladies were. Of my 19 months of golf experience, I’ve never come across anyone so rude. But then, I’ve never come across little old ladies at the country club. This country club does have a reputation of being filled with snobby people. Now I know why. The men that I met were nice, as always, but those four women, and one that I have met previously, made it clear I have no desire to go back. The sad reality is that for all it’s snobbishness, it wasn’t that nice of a course. It certainly wasn’t better than Mount Vintage Plantation, which was much, much nicer.

I asked Heath about the treatment of the ladies, and he said he wasn’t surprised. Of a good portion of the people he has met from the club, he wasn’t impressed either. Neither was the Colonel, one of the members of my church. He refuses to golf there because of the attitude. I think I like Midland Valley a lot more, where the Colonel golfs. The people are more down to earth.

I did have a par hole after that. It was one of those holes where everything came together, my drive, which fell short of the water hazard. My second shot, placed in the center of the fairway. My third shot, just on the edge of the green. My fourth shot, just shy of the hole. Fifth shot in for par. Yea! Now if I could just put together a string of those holes…

Bangswangler, Narfblatt & Tarrah-Tarrah!

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Those are quite interesting words. But those are the tools you need to kill a monster in Joey’s room. You need a bangswangler, narfblatt & tarrah-tarrah. With the proper tools, you can take on any monster. So far this morning, Andy and I have dispatched three monsters from Joey’s room.

This is how my vacation has started. I’m off all week long. We don’t have any plans to go anywhere due to financial constraints, but we do plan on having fun. Maybe a trip to the zoo. Maybe more killing monsters in the back yard. Maybe cooking hotdogs on the grill. Who knows what the week will hold for us in our journey of hanging out together.

I hope to golf. Yes! I just got a tee time at 10:48 a.m. at Houndslake Country Club for four! Heath and I are going, and we’re looking for two more golfers. It’s the club I hope to join once my church passes 500 members. BTW, I’m asking all of you who are believers, to move to Aiken and join my church! I figure you can help. Sell all you have, move to Aiken, find work, join my church, and go golfing with me!

OK, probably not going to happen. But one can hope. It’s vacation week after all. Lots of free time.

Fractured Friday

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Timothy’s Narrow World of Sports
Two issues this morning. Golf. Yes, golf. I went golfing last week as part of the PGA (Pastoral Golf Association, I’m the president. I was golfing with three other Presbyterian pastors.) We went to the lovely Mount Vintage Golf Club just north of North Augusta. It was by far, the nicest golf course I have ever played. I would rank it up there with Augusta National, but I’ve never been to Augusta National. Hopefully that will change at the next Master’s.

The point is that had one of those GREAT shots on the15th hole there. I was off the green only a few feet, but a good 35 feet from the hole. I decided to chip it up onto the green and get as close to the hole as I could, but alas, the ball defied me. It went straight in the hole. All four of us went from being Presbyterian pastors to Pentacostal tongue speakers for the next 30 seconds or so. It was truly a shot of beauty. One of those shots that is good for the memory books for a long time.

But I must give the credit to the Lord. I remembered later that I prayed before taking the shot: “Lord, help me do well…” That He did. Being the good Presbyterian that I am, I have to say that the shot was predestined before the foundations of the world to go in by Christ! So I can’t claim all that much. He get’s the glory. But it sure was sweet.

Texas Aggies Update
I have not been writing much about the Aggies lately because they are in the cellar of the Big 12. Yup! They are horrible as a team. We can say all the things we want, like “it’s a rebuilding year.” “The coach and the players are still getting to know one another.” “Coach Mike Sherman is having to play with Coach Fran’s players.” But all those are a bunch of excuses. That didn’t happen to Urban Meyer down at Florida when he arrived. He went on to win a National Championship with the other coaches players and is one of the top programs in the country. The point is that the Aggies are horrible. To my horror, I even read an article last week that said the Aggies have become the Baylor of old. That means that the Baylor of old is no longer the Baylor of old. Ouch! Baylor is better than A&M. Ouch!

This week, the Aggies play Kansas State. There is an outside chance that the Aggies can win this game. That would improve their record to 3-3. After that, there are not many teams left on the schedule that A&M has an outside chance of beating.

This is why we were so excited when they announced the 2009 football schedule last week. It gave us something to look forward to.

Obama & Ayers — Linked Closely Together
For those who need more information about Ayers and Obama…

Fair enough???

Here is another one…

Please encourage others not to vote for this guy.